Ask the Bride -- New Name on Thank-You Notes

Question: My fiance and I ordered some lovely informals at the same time as we selected out wedding invitations. We had them engraved with our married names . . .

The question: Would it be gauche to use these informals for thank you notes for the gifts we recieved for our wedding shower?

One source says: "Yes, you're changing your name, so it not proper to use the informals with your married name until you're married."

Another says: "Not at all. This will let people know ahead of time what you want to be called after the wedding."

Another says: "Skip the problem. Write the notes (and date them) now, but don't mail them until the day of the wedding."

In my opinion that last introduces another impropriety ... waiting a month to thank people for lovely gifts!!

Answer: My etiquette resources tell me that you should not use your married name on pre-wedding thank-you notes. My advice would be to save the nice, engraved thank-you notes for the gifts you receive on your wedding day, and buy some nice but inexpensive cards for the shower gift acknowledgements.

Your intuition is right... don't wait until after the wedding to send out the thank-yous from the shower! You should acknowledge all gifts promptly.

As for letting people know what your name will be after the wedding, they will find out when you send the thank-yous from the wedding gifts. Anyways, if you use the engraved informals now, you may not have enough left over later!


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Copyright 1996-2001, Michelle Nordblom Hottya. Created: July 7, 1996. Last Updated: April 12, 2001.