Ask the Bride -- Bridal Shower Problems

Question: I am one of two maids of honor and a matron. The other maid and I had a conflict over what type of bridal shower to give. I was asked to be the maid of honor in January and the other one was asked in May. I had already planned a nice luncheon for about 30 guests but the other maid said that she wanted to have potluck so she hasn't helped with the planning. I really want this luncheon to be a success. The luncheon will be held at a old Victorian home and will be catered. I don't want to have food prepared for 30 and have only 20 show up. I did request that the guests RSVP, but that doesn't always mean that they will come. Is it impolite to call them a couple of days ahead of time? Also, should I purchase a gift for her? Also what do you think about having 2 maids and a matron along with 10 other bridesmaids?

Answer: It is entirely proper for a bride to have more than one honor attendant, but it seems that this bride went overboard! Usually brides only pick two (maid-maid, maid-matron or matron-matron) and split the duties between them: one handles the shower and the other handles the bachelorette party, one helps with planning the ceremony, the other helps with the reception. However, I would have advised this bride to only choose two, to ask them both around the same time and to let them know about each other right away. She should also make sure to give all the honor attendants guidance about sharing the responsibilities or what she prefers in the way of theme or planning for this bridal shower.

Since the bride has not discussed these things with you, you must approach her and advise her of the problems. You could offer to continue to plan this shower by yourself and suggest that she ask the other maid to be in charge of the bachelorette party, with you and the other bridesmaids helping out as needed. This way no one feels left out or overloaded, and the bride is reponsible for balancing the duties anyways.

If you have chosen to host and pay for a catered shower, then you are entitled to request and receive RSVPs. If you have received very few, then go ahead and call the others a few days ahead to find out. You can say, "I just wanted to remind you that the bridal shower is this weekend and I wanted to find out if you will be able to come."

Finally, it would be appropriate to give her a small gift or put a few dollars towards a gift from your family or the bridesmaids.